What does it mean?

What does it mean, that you can sleep?
Sleep with someone between your thighs.
What does it mean, that you can breathe?
Breathe the scent of someone else's skin.
What does it mean that you can laugh?
Laugh at someone else's jokes

What does it mean, if i can't sleep?
Sleep without you next to me
What does it mean, if i can't breathe?
No air smells right without your scent
What does it mean if i can't laugh?
Not like i used to, they way you used to make me

Why is it fair that you've found your feet?
Why is it fair that you've moved on?
Why is it fair that you've learnt to love?
Why can't i bring myself to try and touch?

What does it mean when he's older in age?
Age that was such a boundry between us both
What does it mean when he's similar to what you had?
Similar is not same, but neither is it different
What does it mean when he's not me?
Me who you swore was all you wanted

Why is it fair that you're happier now?
Why is it fair that you're giving more than before?
Why is it fair that you're willing to be smaller than what you were?
Why haven't i found anything that even remotely interests me?

What does it mean that you drift between your decisions?
Decisions that we've already mapped out in ink
What does it mean that you still need to explain?
Explain to justify and cleanse yourself
What does it mean that you haven't even tried?
Tried to hold on to what has always been yours

Why does it bother me about what you do?
Why do i care about your choices in life?
Why can't i bear to hear what they have to say about you?
Why haven't i burried you in my past?

I want to be able to look into her eyes without regret
I want to be able to touch her skin without feeling betrayal
I want to be able to taste her and not be reminded about you
What i want, and what i can
Oil and water, no pees in a pod

Sweet, scent, smell, succulent
Touch, tear, tame, tarnish,
Fear, falling, fight, feeling,
Harm, hell, hurt, heal,
Deep, dance, despair, damaged,
Beautiful, bosom, bliss, broken

Broken, damaged, heal,
Sweet, touch, fear,
Fear. Broken. Damaged.

Where have you gone?

Yes i know, that question is actually posed at me. It has been a while since my last entry. 2 months to be exact and so i finally decided to blog even if it mean just a short para or two.

Firstly, in the last 2 months i have set up a twitter account (sanjeevpalar) and since, have been using it to kind of share my thoughts, frustrations and exasperations almost instantaneously.

Also my beloved friend Rachel was wonderful enough to set up a Facebook Fan page for me, and i have to admit keeping those two platforms satiated has meant that i've really neglected his blog.

But in a way i think there's a silver lining to it all. Now i have two channels available for motor racing fans to share in my adventures and that incidentally frees up this blog for more personal expressions.

Haha, yes, i know that sounds all perfect on paper but will i ever get around to really putting to paper what's been going on in my life outside the realm of TV? well i guess we'll have to wait and see.

For now the biggest update i have for you is that i have finally made a commitment. It was a tough decision that i contemplated for quite a while, but in the end i felt that the timing was right and it was also a case of now or never.

And so i have committed to the Singapore FULL Marathon... yup all 42.195km.

The good news is that i won't be in it alone, Paula and Alex Yoong have signed up as well so we are all going to see how that pans out.

In the meantime, i just got back from an amazing time at the Spanish and Monaco GPs. Pics from the Monaco GP are on my Facebook fan page http://tinyurl.com/2av9opj

Enjoy