To Borrow A Phrase

I didn't write this but I wish I did. It eptomises everything that I have to say about something I don't want to talk about:

I know I can't take one more step close to you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most

I've learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

It's actually lyrics from the song "Jar Of Hearts" by Christina Perri. The song itself was written by  Christina Perri together with Drew Lawrence Barrett Yeretsian. 

It's a very moving song and she is extremely talented. Here's the music video so you can judge for yourself

The Annual Song and Dance

And so, another year goes by. And for the second consecutive year, I wished I could avoid the rituals and routines that we practice at every birthday. I know the tune, the song and the dance. And I even know how it ends. In disappointment. There is nothing that I want, or maybe there is nothing that I feel that I want. And a person who wants nothing is akin to standing on a ledge.

But despite this I do believe in the universe. And I do believe that it is constantly working, invisibly, in the background, ensuring that everything happens for a reason. This has certainly been put to the test, as I've tumbled from one inglorious encounter to another. I feel like it's trampled over me so much over the past few years that I am near numb to it's insults.

But then there was the night before my birthday. A total random series of events that was triggered by yet another failed encounter that ended with the biggest blow that it's dealt me in a while. But because of that I ended up in a place where I should not have been and met with a group of people that I would normally not have, and in the end, despite a last kick in the shin the universe threw me a bone, in the form of a chance encounter.

I say chance because there are many variables in the permutation of life that could have led to many alternative scenarios. But in this instance, the universe aligned itself for the first time in 8 years, and it happened.

The universe. Oh how you have toyed with me and had your way at my expense. And to borrow an analogy: Just when I felt like I had one foot dangling off the rooftop, ready to jump off, you surprised me.

You delivered unto me a moment in time that I would frame and put on display. So much so that wish i could freeze myself in time and relive it over and over again.

Regardless of how this event will eventually pan out, the initial moment has made me - again to borrow an analogy: step back off the ledge and come inside.

You've now aroused my curiosity and for that reason alone it'll be worth sticking around and see how it plays out. You do work in mysterious ways. And now you've dangled something in front of me that I want.