A Year Of Change

It's been a while, a while since i've posted, since i've felt the inner voice within screaming out. Yelling loudly until I'm forced to sit down and type. And then like a bursting dam, the words would just flow.

I've always written when I've felt like writing, but it's been a while since I've wanted to. Mainly because nothing has changed, nothing has evolved, nothing has moved. If a record could be on repeat for eternity then that would be the soundtrack of my life at the moment. And quite frankly i've exhausted myself listening to the same tune. Sometimes I wonder just how long it's possible for the universe, my universe to be stagnant. But I've stopped wondering, because I've done that to the brink of despair and am still waiting for an answer.

They say new years bring about the opportunity for new things. And although we're barely a fortnight in, I'm beginning to believe. I sense a change. An opportunity for new adventures and undertakings, well at least for many of the people around me. Perhaps the only perk of being stationary is that you can clearly see when others move around you.

Best friends with new career opportunities, off to faraway places, old friends with marriage on the horizon, families blessed with new arrivals. Change. Change that will realign the axis that their current world spins on. Change that leads to a new phase of life, full of endless possibilities.
I'm happy to be surrounded by their happiness, to be able to immerse in their euphoria and to be there to bear witness to their joy. Because when their world changes, inadvertently so will mine. If they are the pebble that plonks into the lake, then I embrace the ripple that will wash over me. It's inevitable.
And there are plenty of pebbles lined up this year. When I look around my circle, I can see them all piled up on the shore. As this year chugs on, one by one, they will embark on new journeys, and their ripple will wash over me. It has to.

So although I stand rooted in the same spot, I know that my universe will be reshaped too. And that gives me a weird sense of satisfaction. For if my world, despite my pleas and attempts to move it forward, remains stubbornly still, then I take comfort in knowing that the circle that I hold so dear had conspired to be my catalyst. So I too shall revel in their change as this year ticks by and await its inevitable impact.

Of course I'm well aware that change can go either way. And surely after my collective run of bad I must feel that I'm due some good? On the contrary, if there's one thing I've realised it's that sometimes the bookkeeper gets the math wrong. Maybe we are not meant to get an equal serving of both. Perhaps after my buffet of good, it's time to endure famine for.... well, for as long as I have and then some.

Who knows, who cares. I don't, i've stopped. All I do know is that after being still for so long, I'd gladly take whatever comes my way. For better or for worse, here's to 2013 and the change that it brings, that's all I care about.